Who God really is: From religious rules to relationship

Complicated as it was, Rae wouldn’t have changed the journey that brought her into the personal relationship with God that she now has. She tells the Things I Wish I Knew podcast about all the misunderstandings that she’s overcome: she now knows that ‘Christian faith involves commitments and responsibilities, but these are part of our response to God's love, not a way of earning it’.

Our understanding of God is often shaped long before we begin to question for ourselves. Family, church, culture and the stories we encounter in the media shape the way in which we imagine God. But what happens when the God we have come to believe in feels distant, unapproachable, or difficult to understand – and what changes when we begin to encounter God not simply as an idea, but as a living presence in our lives?

For Rae Fitzgerald, it was not always easy to relate to the God she had encountered through church and popular culture. Over time, she drifted away from the Church and began looking for fulfilment elsewhere. New Age practices, partying and relationships all became part of that search. But they did not give her the lasting sense of freedom or purpose she was looking for.

Her experience reflects a struggle many people will recognise. We want to know that our lives matter, that we are loved and that we belong. When our experience of religion does not seem to speak to these needs, it is understandable that we might look elsewhere.

It is also worth asking what people think Christianity is asking of them. If God seems mainly concerned with rules and expectations, faith can feel like a burden rather than a source of hope. We can lose sight of the love at the heart of the Christian message.

For Rae, everything began to change when she encountered the love of Jesus in a way that felt real and personal. She started to see Christianity not simply as a set of rules to follow, but as a relationship with God.

This is at the heart of the Christian understanding of grace. God's love is not something we have to earn by getting everything right. In the gospels, Jesus reaches out to people in the middle of their everyday lives, including those who are struggling, uncertain or acutely aware of their own failings.

That does not mean our choices no longer matter. Christian faith involves commitments and responsibilities, but these are part of our response to God's love, not a way of earning it.

Rae also speaks openly about her struggles with addiction and escapism. Her experience shows how difficult it can be to find lasting freedom. We may turn to habits, experiences or relationships in the hope of finding comfort, only to discover that relief does not last. Recognising this is one thing; finding a different way forward can be much harder.

For Rae, faith became a source of strength as she faced these struggles. Her story suggests change is not simply about trying harder or imposing stricter rules on ourselves. It can also begin when we discover that we are loved and start to see ourselves differently.

Her journey has also shaped her work through Wild Hearts, where she creates space for honest conversations about faith and life. She recognised the importance of talking openly about doubts, disappointments and struggles, without feeling less worthy of God's love.

Many people worry that asking difficult questions means they lack faith. Others may feel that they need to have their lives in order before they can return to church or begin exploring Christianity. But as the gospels show, Jesus does not wait for people to sort everything out before reaching out.

This does not mean that every question has an easy answer, or that faith makes life's difficulties disappear. It means we do not have to hide our doubts or struggles from God. We can bring them into our relationship with God, even when we are unsure what that relationship looks like.

Rae's experience also raises a question for the Church. How do we respond to people who are searching, questioning or struggling with their faith? If we focus too much on rules and expectations, we risk making it harder for people to discover the love those teachings are meant to express. Listening to people's experiences, without rushing to judge them, can help create space for a more honest encounter with faith.

Rae's story reminds us that our understanding of God can change. Sometimes, the picture of God we have carried for years needs reconsidering before we can look at faith differently. Faith is not about having all the answers or getting everything right. It is about discovering who God is and learning to trust in the love of Jesus, even when life remains complicated.

Listen to the latest episode of the Things I Wish I Knew podcast to hear more of Rae's story in her own words.

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