Adoption: A reflection on belonging, love and the reimagining of family

The onset of the first Covid-19 lockdown is memorable for all of us, but even more so for Nigel Langford: it marked the beginning of life as a family for him, his wife and their adopted son, whom they had welcomed into their home just days before. Their story will move you deeply and challenge you – Nigel tells it on the latest episode of Things I Wish I Knew.

Adoption is often approached in practical or legal terms: a means of forming a family, or a response to childlessness. But at its heart, adoption is a profoundly theological act. It invites us to consider what it means to belong, to love without condition, and to form relationships that are chosen, not inherited.

For many couples, adoption begins in grief. The pain of infertility is often silent and isolating, particularly within faith communities where family life is celebrated as a sign of blessing. In these settings, well-meant advice to wait on God or trust in prayer can deepen the sense of exclusion, even while trying to offer comfort.

Yet it is often within these painful spaces that new possibilities begin to emerge. Nigel Langford, a church leader and adoptive father, has spoken movingly of this experience. He and his wife, after years of longing for a child, found themselves confronting not just the physical reality of infertility but also the emotional and spiritual disorientation it can bring. Over time, and through prayerful discernment, they began to see adoption not as a last resort, but as a calling in its own right.

In a conversation with Julia Corcoran on the Things I Wish I Knew podcast, Nigel describes a moment of clarity that challenged his assumptions about what it means to be a parent. Family, he came to realise, need not be defined by biology. It is forged in love, in commitment and in the willingness to welcome another into your life with open hands. Adoption, in this light, became not a substitute for ‘natural’ parenthood but a profound expression of hospitality and grace.

The decision to adopt brought its own challenges. Their son arrived just before the first Covid-19 national lockdown in 2020. The early months of family life were shaped by global uncertainty and physical isolation. With little outside support and a child still learning to feel safe, the Langfords had to adapt quickly. There were difficult days, but also unexpected joys – moments of laughter, trust and slowly growing connection.

Nigel speaks of these experiences not as a tidy narrative of triumph, but as an unfolding journey. Adoption, he says, is about formation: the shaping of both child and parent through a relationship grounded in love and perseverance. It requires vulnerability, patience and a willingness to let go of control. But in this space, transformation becomes possible.

For Christians, adoption carries rich theological resonance. The New Testament describes believers as being adopted into the family of God. This is not simply metaphor. It points to a truth at the heart of the gospel: that we belong not because of our heritage, but because of grace. In embracing adoption, parents participate in a reflection of that divine welcome. They extend love not because of obligation, but because they choose to say: ‘You are mine, and you are loved.’

This does not romanticise the reality. Every adoption carries with it a history of loss. For a child to be adopted, something or someone has been left behind. This truth cannot be overlooked. But it is precisely because adoption involves both rupture and healing that it speaks so powerfully to the Christian imagination.

In a culture often shaped by individualism and autonomy, adoption reminds us that love is not limited by blood, and that family can be forged in unexpected ways. It is an act of covenant rather than contract. It says, simply and profoundly: you belong here, not because you fit, but because you are wanted.

Nigel Langford’s story is one among many, but it offers a glimpse of the grace that adoption makes visible. It invites us to reflect not just on family, but on the very nature of belonging. In a Church that seeks to be a community of welcome and inclusion, adoptive families can serve as living parables. They remind us that we, too, have been adopted – into love, into grace, and into a story larger than our own.

Listen to 'Things I Wish I Knew Before Embracing Adoption'; and to get all of our new episodes and catch up on our first series, subscribe now >>