Comparison and the freedom to become who God created you to be

‘To resist comparison is not to ignore the lives of others but to see them differently. Their gifts are not evidence of our lack. They are reminders of the richness and diversity of God's work in the world.’ Jacqueline has learned that benchmarking our lives against other people’s leads to us hiding our own lamp under a bushel – she wants Things I Wish I Knew listeners to let their lights shine.

We live in a culture that constantly invites us to measure ourselves against other people. Social media offers a curated stream of achievements, milestones and lifestyles that can leave us wondering whether we are falling behind. Even beyond our screens, comparison quietly seeps into everyday life. We compare careers, relationships, appearances, families and even our spiritual lives. It is so commonplace that we can forget to question it.

Yet comparison rarely leaves us feeling grateful. More often, it creates anxiety, envy or dissatisfaction. We become preoccupied with what someone else has instead of recognising the gifts that God has already placed in our own lives.

In a recent conversation on the Things I Wish I Knew podcast, Julia Corcoran spoke with Jacqueline Clovis, a Catholic life coach whose own experience offers a thoughtful challenge to this habit of comparison. Her reflections point to something both simple and difficult: joy begins when we stop trying to live someone else's life.

Jacqueline grew up in a large Catholic family in Nigeria, where community was not simply an ideal but a way of life. Family, faith and mutual support shaped her understanding of what it meant to belong. Those early experiences taught her the importance of walking alongside others rather than competing with them.

Like many people, however, she found herself caught in the trap of comparison. Looking at the successes or circumstances of others often left her feeling that something was missing in her own life. It is an experience that resonates widely. We can know, intellectually, that every person's journey is different, yet still find ourselves measuring our worth against another person's achievements.

One of the most striking moments in the conversation comes when Jacqueline repeats the familiar saying: ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’. The phrase is well known, but its truth deserves continual reflection. Comparison steals our attention. Instead of noticing God's presence in our own lives, we become fixated on lives that were never ours to live.

The Christian tradition has always recognised the uniqueness of each person's vocation. God does not create us as interchangeable people pursuing identical paths. We are each called by name, with different gifts, different struggles and different opportunities to love and serve. The challenge is not to imitate another person's circumstances but to respond faithfully to our own.

This becomes especially difficult when life unfolds differently from what we expected.

Jacqueline speaks candidly about her experience of infertility, a journey that brought deep disappointment and many unanswered questions. It would have been easy to remain focused on what others seemed to have, allowing grief to become defined by comparison. Instead, although the pain did not disappear, she gradually learned to ask different questions.

Rather than waiting for happiness to arrive with a particular outcome, she began to recognise the importance of the present moment. Gratitude did not mean denying loss. It meant refusing to let loss become the only lens through which she viewed her life.

This echoes a profound Christian insight. Gratitude is not dependent on perfect circumstances. It is rooted in the recognition that God is still present, even when our lives do not unfold according to our plans. Such gratitude is neither naïve optimism nor passive acceptance. It is an act of trust that allows us to receive today's gifts without constantly measuring them against someone else's blessings.

Discernment also plays an important role in Jacqueline's reflections. Much of her work as a life coach involves helping people uncover their own gifts and sense of purpose. Rather than encouraging people to become the best version of someone else, she invites them to understand who God has created them to be.

This is a deeply Ignatian instinct. Discernment asks us to pay attention to where God is leading us personally, rather than becoming distracted by external measures of success.

Comparison often convinces us that another person's calling would suit us better. Yet God's grace is never generic. It is always personal. The path that leads one person to holiness may not be the path intended for another.

This perspective also changes how we relate to those around us. When we stop viewing life as a competition, another person's success no longer threatens our own sense of worth. Instead, we become free to celebrate their gifts while remaining grateful for ours. Community flourishes when comparison gives way to encouragement.

Perhaps that is one of the quiet invitations of the gospel today. To resist comparison is not to ignore the lives of others but to see them differently. Their gifts are not evidence of our lack. They are reminders of the richness and diversity of God's work in the world. Likewise, our own gifts are not accidents or consolation prizes. They are entrusted to us for the good of others.

The temptation to compare will probably never disappear entirely. But we can learn to notice it, question it and gently return our attention to the life that God has actually given us.

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